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The Bachelor: The Fastest Breakup Ever

It seems that the couple who had it all figured out and fooled us all into thinking they were destined to be together longer than a year and a half, is parting ways quicker than Chris Harrison peaces out of the first rose ceremony.


Ben, the once oh so honest and lovable, tall, dark and handsome dream boat, has revealed he is starting a podcast with Ashley I.


Seriously? Ashley I?  I mean, good for her for making herself the appointed face of the Bachelor Castoffs, but doesn’t she have enough going on?  I always see her doing something Bachelor related on Access Hollywood that plays repeatedly at my nails salon and she goes to a lot of iHeartRadio concerts.  And let’s not forget that she’s probably already primping for Bachelor In Paradise and The Bachelor Winter Games.  Really, Ashley I. is becoming the new Nick…


And what are these two going to talk about?  Ashley will talk about her eye lashes and her sister which I guess I can deal with. But Ben?  Ben who has now proven he is not as cute as we thought, is dumber than we thought and has the personality of a salad fork.  A salad fork that serves no purpose whatsoever except to confuse you as to it’s purpose and meaning of life?

Such. An. Idiot.

And now Lauren, Lauren who seemed so sweet, slightly boring, but very normal, has decided that two days is long enough for her too.  Lauren has decided that instead of pursuing just her pointless fashion blog, she will put her fillers and Botox to good use and become a model.


Lauren is going to Cali and going to model for some brand and stylist who has helped dress her for all those fashion events she goes to (gag).  And she’s hoping to get even more training in the modeling world and furthering this newfound career goal.  And maybe even start a clothing line of her own eventually.


That’ll be a new low, Bachelor Nation, if we support this.  It’s one thing to allow these people to make thousands of dollars a day because we follow them on insta and like their ads, it’s completely different if we humor this woman and allow her to become the next LC.

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While we mourn what was possibly the most boring relationship in Bachelor Nation, let us congratulate these two on breaking up months ago, announcing it days ago and already moving on to bigger and worse plans.

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Should have gone for the televised wedding.

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