If you’ve been wondering where your usual obnoxious overload of promos for the Bachelorette are, then wonder no more! They aren’t coming.

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That’s right, we got one promo last week which I’m not even going to bother reviewing #sorrynotsorry. Instead of promos galor or giving us the contestants’ bios ahead of time like we deserve, ABC (and Chris Harrison) have taken a different route. Breaking news.

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Duh. In the last 24 hours, ABC and #thebahelor have trending like crazy and it’s not because of anything to do with the actual amazing human they’ve selected as the Bachelorette, Rachel. No, that would be to easy (and possibly boring).

First, we got the shocking, upsetting, news worthy, chilling, unreal, typical news that another Bachelor couple had failed to make it to the alter.

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Yes, Ben and Lauren decided to not continue on the journey that reality TV game offered them and instead decided to party ways and do some social climbing of their own.

Lauren will keep going to Coachella and blogging and hanging with the twins, while Ben will forgo his career in politics that actually had a chance now that celebrities can be politicians and will be doing a podcast with Ashley I.

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I will discuss this at a later date (meaning one hour once I get food in my belly).

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But on top of that, ABC decided that a besides a conveniently timed Monday before the premier break up (don’t think we didn’t notice) they also wanted to try and blow our minds once again. Today they announced there will be a new Bachelor spin off. The Bachelor Winter Games.

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ABC decided to get even more twisted and pulled a hat out of dystopia and is reenacting the Hunger Games by creating a version of their own.  They claim it’s to coincide with the Winter Olympics in 2018, but we know how you think, ABC.  And we love how twisted you’ve become.

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We really have no details besides February 2018, cold weather and it “will take competitive dating to a chilling new level”. It’s pretty much like Bachelor Pad, combined with Are You the One, combined with Survivor.

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I’m assuming we will see old flings, fan favorites, arch rivals and, of course, Nick Viall.

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Seriously, Nick must have something on ABC that they keep finding totally conspicuous ways to bring him back.  But in all seriousness, well done ABC.  I look forward to you forcing exs to reconnect and hopefully there are forced proposals at the end.

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Yesssssss.

 

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