There are few things more enjoyable than a Bravo Reunion episode.  Andy, if I’ve never said it before, thank you.

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Now, on to the show!  After a season of accents and undies, we have arrived at the reunion.  I will say that this season, like so many Beverly Hills seasons before it, seemed a bit forced.  These ladies realized they didn’t have a storyline and latched on to one that failed them yet again.

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That being said, some of these later episodes were FULL of drama, especially anything having to do with a junk boat.  Seriously, I don’t think I will ever forget that junk boat and I don’t want to.

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But now, here we are.  The ladies, like us, have now seen almost the entire season and now know what was said behind their back as well as what was said to their face, aka they know everything Rinna did and did not say this season.

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First, awards for best dressed.  Really, we have a fine looking group today.  Rinna, Vanderpump and Eileen went with more timeless pieces, Vanderpump with a few more sparkles. Kyle gave herself some shoulder action and was fine, nothing outstanding for getting the Head Bitch In Charge seat.  Actually, as I was thinking about it, did Kyle just have a “make it work moment” and redo her dress from another reunion???

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Tell me I’m wrong.

And then there was Erika who many will say looked outlandish and over the top, but those people just turned in for the first time this week and do no understand the essence of Erika.  In my opinion she looked:

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Worst dressed was easily Dorito.  Makeup pretty per usual, but she obviously got attacked by one of Kyle’s dogs when she went over there to get ready because that thing is a shredded mess.  It doesn’t look it was anything special before it was destroyed either though.

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Kyle should have replaced that, but I think everyone on Bravo is sensitive about the whole lending a dress thing after the Ramona and Bethenny dress saga.

Now that my awards have been passed out, let’s get to the real drama!  We start off with the ladies getting ready at their respective homes…come on, that is not why we are here, Bravo.  Get them to the couches!

Dorit went to Kyle’s to get ready and Storm, the cutest dog ever, jumps all over her.

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She also has some unfortunate bangs happening, probably trying them on again, I though someone would have told her by now it’s not a good look.  Luckily she un-clips them for the reunion, we can’t be expected to look at those for three hours.

This is Kyle’s 7th reunion and she looks better than she did when it started, I mean that in a nice way. She didn’t look bad before, but she’s obviously got a new surgeon after Adrianne Maloof divorced her hubby, and she looks great.

Also, Rinna says before they sit down that she thinks everyone needs a Xanax smoothie to get through the reunion and I’m calling it now, she will somehow get the word Xanax or pill bag into her slogan next year.

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After Kylie drags Vanderpump to the stage (really did happen) we are ready to start! Usually Andy greets everyone, but since he wasn’t so much time with that opening scene he obviously wants to move on.  Me too.  Andy also wants to talk about everyones dress tonight (I’ve done that but okay) and the ladies tell them they never wear there reunion dress again, except Lisa Rinna who is wearing Victoria Beckham and that can always come back.

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While Lisa is more practical about her clothes, the other ladies just don’t usually like the memories attached to the clothes.  Kyle says she has a section in her closet that has all the reunion dresses and every other outfit with a bad memory from this show…and then Andy has an epiphany of a Real Housewives Museum.  Maybe the best idea I’ve ever heard, I know just the person to run it.

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Andy asks Dorito if she likes or is used to the nickname she’s gotten online, Dorito…..Damn, I really don’t know why I felt original when calling her that, it’s so obvious.  I can’t look back now though and I refuse to change my ways, so Dorito stays.  Kyle says she was called Vyle a lot, clever as well, but she’s really not vile.  But Lisa Vanderpump wins with the name Brandi gave her, Vanderc…..well the rest was bleeped out, we know it was bad.

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Erika is the first intro, but it’s really all about Erika and Dorito’s relationship which is tumultuous at best.  The flashback sequence consists Dorito not feeling the love from Erika, Dorito complaining about Erika, Dorito being insulted by Erika and Erika’s Moschino t-shirt dress aka one of my top five favorite moment of the season.

Andy asks Erika if she is wearing panties tonight, which is amazingly predictable.  Then Rinna reveals she’s not wearing any in solace to this entire seasons one theme.

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Dorit defends all of her snide comments as just kidding, trying to lighten the mood.  When asked her opinion about this so called “kidding”, Erika says “there is a drop of truth in all kidding, that’s how you get away with shit”.

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PREACH SISTA. Dorito has nothing to say to that, which is shocking because she usually never shuts up.

I have to note that the commercial break featured Rinna and Eileen talking about the new movie Untouchable, and I fast forwarded through the whole thing.  Absolutely no way I can watch two soap stars get all dramatic over a movie they definitely did not watch.

We come back to Erika’s comment about Dorito saying boring shit and Erika says important shit.  I still see nothing wrong with this comment, it’s absolutely true, and everyone else pretty much agrees, even Vanderpump who says Dorit does go on and on about things.

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Side note: I said Kyle looked great for seven seasons and I am not retracting my statement, but I think it’s important to note that she cannot move her face today,.  It seems permanently stuck in a awkward grin that is never appropriate when they flash to it.

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Then we hear from Lisa about Lisa.  It seems Vanderpump can admit she likes a lot of things about Rinna, especially how they can insult each other and dish it right back.  So sweet.  But there are a lot of things she doesn’t like about Rinna that make her untrustworthy, and I have to agree with Pumps on this.  Rinna scared me this season.

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We flash to Lisa Vanderpump’s impression of Rinna saying “own it” from earlier in the season, it gets better every time I see it.

Vanderpump admits that she did enjoy Rinna being in the hotseat all season, which is good because her facials during every fight gave her away regardless, denying it would be pointless.

Rinna does reveal that she and Vanderpump connected this season off the show and reveals that the man who flew them to get her ponies died.  The ladies both knew him well and used that as an olive branch to mend their fences.

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Now it’s on to Dorito.

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Really, I don’t know how I will get through this, but I will try.  Andy does the package on Dorit and we have to live through her talking about all her nannies, her ugly car, her terrible husband, all while changing her accent up on every other word.  And let’s not forget, “Boy George lives here for cryin’ out loud”.

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Dorit reveals she did get the Birkin for jumping for the yacht and that wasn’t staged, I actually don’t doubt her for a second on this one.

Andy asks her how many languages she speaks, and she reveals she speaks four fluently.  And for once, I am kind of leaning towards the fact that Dorito’s accent might not be as put on as we thought.  Then we flash to a fashion show were she spoke in 2013 and had zero accent.

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I was almost fooled.  Almost.

We then are blessed with a package on the Beverly Hills Housewives spending habits and I feel like we do this every year, but I can’t be sure and I don’t hate it.  They shouldn’t enjoy it though, it does nothing to make these women relatable, but I guess this show’s mission is to do just the opposite, so mazel.

I will note that they did not feature Eden’s $160 ring she gifted to Erika in Hong Kong….wait, where is Eden?

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Poor thing, hasn’t even shown up in one package.  See you never.

Now it’s time for us to bring out PK. Excuse me while I vomit real quick, brb.

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Okay, I’m back.  I made it through Dorito, but PK might just kill me.  We start in the dressing room with Dorit coaching him, because she’s so well versed in reunions now.

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PK comes to the stage and Erika seriously is staring at the ceiling, the floor, her nails.

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I love you girl, but this is a bit much.

It is revealed the PK has actually only represented Boy George for three years…

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You literally acted like you adopted this man 20 years ago??  You have only worked for him three years? This might be the most annoying thing I’ve heard all night.

Rinna inserts herself (shocked) into the battle before it even begins, warning PK not to look up her dress, because she’s not wearing underwear.

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Wait for your turn, Rinna.  You’ll have plenty of time to play the fool.

PK does try and apologize for the comments he made about Erika, but says he never insinuated she was doing it on purpose, causing me to wonder where I remember them saying that…..this amnesia thing is really contagious this season.

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Dorito defends PK looking up Erika’s skirt saying that “if you say to someone there’s a pink elephant over there, of course you’re going to look” causing Andy to ask if Dorito is comparing Erika’s hoo-ha to an elephant.

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We end it in the middle of the argument because we know this will last most of Part 2 considering nothing else happened this year.  See you next week!

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