Most part twos of any reunion, tend to be a little flat.  It’s the filler stuff that keeps you barely entertained, but isn’t quite as good as part one or part three (thank you for doing three parts, Andy).  Tonight was no different, it started off talking about fillers, but Jax’s fillers.  Yes, Jax got botox a day before this was taped.

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Bravo sure knows how to keep me hooked.

We then move on to James who is still unintentionally making everyone laugh.  We discuss how he was provoked by Jax (duh) and that he has triggers he needs to work through.  Does Lisa think he has a chance to come back to Sur?

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What a stupid question, Andy.  He is the funniest person here, we all saw that through the reunion, he’s your money maker.  Andy makes up for his stupidity by asking James to DJ his birthday. Brilliant.  Lisa tries to warn Andy off and James shuts her up so he can book his gig.  Lisa is just concerned it’ll coincide with International Dog Day next year and she won’t have someone to remind people to pick up their dogs belongs.

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Or that.

We then segway into Ariana and Stassi’s bdays, conveniently on the same day.  Stassi went to some random town that we still don’t know the name of, even after we watched Summer House (I didn’t watch, I failed you all).  Seriously, the name reminds me of Manitowac and that’s not a good thing.

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JK, I miss you.

We know the ladies were upset with Scheana because she’s got such a strict diet and that makes her kind of boring. Fair. She tells the girls that she works very hard to maintain this body and these abs and….wait, didn’t she tell us last week that she just has a fast metabolism?

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When we talk about Ariana’s birthday, it turns pretty quickly to Lala because she is pretty much the focal point of the season even though she was only here for half of it.

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Gosh, what else can we say about this without our repeating ourselves? Oh, just kidding, they are all going to repeat themselves, and yell while doing it.  Stassi still wants everyone to know that Lala’s man was married.  Tom is trying to throw shade but fails and just is insinuating that someone drove Lala’s car?

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But then, because really we are only here for one reason, Andy stops beating around the bush and asks if Lala was dating a married man.  He comes at it from every angle, asks if she’s still in a relationship with the same guy, a different guy, and Lala will not reveal anything.  Seriously, all Andy wants is for her to spill the tea, he’s pretty much begging.

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Oh, and Lala’s excuse for having to back out of Ariana’s party? She had a panic attack and could not go. Instead she went to the Beverly Hilton to recuperate.

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The best part of all of this was Stassi trying to relate to Lala by saying she dated someone who didn’t to be on TV all while saying Lala’s guy didn’t want to be on TV because he was married.  Lala is not having her and tells her to “fall the fuck back”.

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Like, who made her head bitch in charge? Lisa is the boss here honey (sorry Andy, but you have no control over these fools).

Then, sticking with Lala because no one else here actually matters, Lisa segways us into Lala’s need for everyone to sign NDAs to hang out with her.  Lala seems to be worried about repeating her past mistake of trusting people while naked and high in a bathtub, and therefore requires friends to sign NDAs.  Everyone else suggests she just find better friends and stop hanging out with people who would do that to her….but it’s LA so is that actually possible?

Andy does want to clarify why Lala needs a NDA though, considering she isn’t anybody and why would anyone care about extorting her.

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I will say though that I am sure the OKAY! Magazine party would pay handsomely for some naked photos of her to premier at their party next year while Stassi watched on.  Lala maybe be kind of right…sort of.

We then move on to Ariana and Tom and the fact that Ariana is a terrible person for not humoring to his many conversations about marriage. For once, the group bands together (kind of) and say there is no reason to talk marriage if she doesn’t want to.  The only interesting part of this convo was the genius camera man who kept going back and forth between Tom and Kristen.

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Then we move to Jax and Brittany and we address how Brittany’s mom was right to address the rumor of Jax being homosexual and how Jax should be a little more patient when talking to her.  Luckily, we are getting a Vanderpump Rules spin off with Brittany and Jax Take Kentucky….I like how Bravo is above differentiating themselves are are just going to steal the Kardashian’s names now.

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Side note: we flash back to one of Jax’s old noses in this episode and it was very startling.

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Then we addressed the only single person in the room, Stassi.  That’s sad considering Scheana just got divorced and already has a new man, but we aren’t judging.  I’m glad Stassi is single, I just feel bad no one is single with her.  You are young Stassi, enjoy it girl and live your truth!

Unfortunately Stassi is v boring when she is single and cannot be saved.

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Next, in what feels forced but turns out to be brilliant, Bravo brings out Stassi’s 12-year-old brother Nickolia to dish out some advice.  He tells Katie to not drinks so much which causes her to look like she may beat him.  He tells Jax he’s screwed.  Lisa should keep going with her business and work hard.  Ariana needs to make sure she’s nice to people or Scheana will be her only friend (and who wants that) and to Andy and Brittany he tells them nothing because they are perfect.

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We segway from a blunt 12-year-old (aren’t they all?) to Scheana’s insinuations that Katie has a drinking problem.

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Katie is disgusted by Scheana and goes with the tired narrative of saying her drinking is a tired narrative.  Scheana tells Katie she doesn’t think she’s an alcoholic, just that she is worried about her actions when she’s drunk.  Bubba is the only one who realizes the distinction and agrees, causing him to probably sign his own death warrant.

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We quickly turn to Ariana’s dislike of Stassi and how she doesn’t care to be friends with her.  Andy finds it funny that they can’t be friends because Stassi used to be the girl everyone wanted to be friends with…

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Not true, Andrew.  And Ariana ends the episode letting us know she has zero interested in being friends with Stassi.  Me either, victimized Stassi sucks ass.

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