Breaking News celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow Uncategorized

Gwyneth Paltrow, It’s Goop to Be Back

While I was under the impression that Gwyneth had left Goop behind for good, it seems that isn’t the case.

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While one conscious uncoupling worked, the conscious uncoupling she tried to do with Goop didn’t seem to stick.  Most people sensed the brand was headed for some rough waters, with its ridiculously expensive and pointless products (see vaginal muscle-toning egg made of jade) and the loss of the face of the brand, Gwynie.  But now, Gwyneth is back and bigger than ever, secretly taking on the role of CEO.  So, did the media get it wrong, did she ever actually leave?


And no, I do not consider myself the media.

As CEO, she will be very important and very busy.  Not sure if she will have time for her acting career (that has disappeared anyway) now that she has to do budgets, planning, meetings, and a whole lot of other stuff.

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What a well rounded woman.

Gwyneth’s probably go some big ideas for her Goop brand, but the biggest project right now?  Vitamins.  That’s right, Gwyneth and Goop are going into the vitamin supplement business.  Gwyn is always trying to improve herself and others, like coming up with ways to get divorced and call it something else, teaching people how to cook, and now supplements.


Now now, you want to live a long life don’t you? Gwynie is here to help with that!  I can only imagine that these things are going to be $1000 a pill and you will require 30 a day, but I am sure they are worth it!  Now, you probably have to get a personal trainer three times a day to end up looking like Gwyneth, but at least she’s trying to help you better yourself, right?  And better herself by becoming CEO and making tons of money off our desperation to have the body of a 40-year-old woman with the body of an 19-year old.


Yeah, you go do that.

That being said, I am excited to see what’s in store for this company, now that she’s taken control.  My first piece of advice though, change that stupid name.


At least you know your audience.

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