It is my favorite night of the year. I think it should be completely obvious that I am obsessed with celebrities, but in case you missed it, I’m obsessed with celebrities.
So because of my love of celebrities and my power to write whatever I want I cannot miss the opportunity to sound of my opinion on this years best and worst dressed of the 2017 Golden Globes. And, sadly, I really have a short list of worst dressed this year, someone got a hold of these people and had everyone looking pretty stellar or at least above average.
The trend of the night was sequins. I don’t know how you go about making sequins, but I can guess it’s not easy. There were so many sequins last night and all I could think about was the bleeding hands around the world that are still in pain from attacking those sequins by hand. Do any of you feel bad?
No, Gina, it’s not magic. It’s craftsmanship and glitter and and days and days of blood sweat and tears. I have watched project runway enough to know you cannot complete a dress like that in even a two day challenge. For your ignorance, you will not be on the Best Dressed list (but you look super cute!)
But the show must go on and I’m sure I can find someone to talk about. Let’s begin…
BESTEST DRESSEST LADIES
Kristen Bell: Girlfriend was a Best Dressed last year and brought her A Game again this year for sure. I dont know anything about her show except that it looks like the dumbest thing ever and I’ve never be a fan of her hubby, but I’m choosing to let it goooo, let it goooo after seeing this dress.
Many Moore: What a walk to remember, am I right? While we have seen the cape look before, I am a fan of this little number. I am also a fan of whatever stylist she finally hired because she has had a rough road of fashion no-nos for a long time. The awkward duckling has turned into a swan.
Olivia Pope Kerry Washington: I am probably going to be one of few on this one from the looks of what people already posted and I’m totally fine with that. I am all about Kerry’s style, the hair, the makeup and the dress. Those sassy little shoulders and sexy sheerness happening, I think it’s safe to say whatever needed handling was handled.
Viola Davis: Viola showed up in her bright yellow sequins looking like a boss. Besides the dress being pretty, have you seen her arms? She is all muscle and looked ever so hot on stage accepting her award and also telling us what we already knew about Merly but still love to hear. She gets the award for best use of color on the carpet, something that was slightly lacking this year. Viola, you is kind, you is smart, you is important.
Natalie Portman: I’m still upset she didn’t win Best Actress for Jackie, but she did win best Actress on the carpet for putting on a smile when I’m sure she would have rather not been nominated so she could stay home and do something else like, oh I don’t know, GIVE BIRTH. This woman, while beautiful, has to be due any minute and, although I have never been pregnant, I feel for her. While she may have been dud in the interviews (I am going to chalk that up to her being hungry, tired, pregnant and sober) I’m giving her the award for best old Hollywood glamour.
Sienna Miller: You. Are. Stunning. My viewing party of one had to google her age because I cant tell if she it’s 16 or 28…she’s 35-years-old. I loved the simpleness and didn’t even mind the Alice in Wonderland homage with the ribbon. Also, can I have your body?
Emma Stone: I’m not 100% obsessed with this look, maybe because it makes her look way to one color for me, but I have to give her props for making sure we never forget that she was in La La Land and it was nominated (and won, spoiler) for everything. Even a song called City of Stars won…your lack of subtleness and globe get you on this good list, Emma, but just barley.
BEST DRESSED COUPLES
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake: Hands. Down. My. Favorites. I would have put Jessica in the ladies category on her own, but while she is perfection solo I cannot ignore the arm candy that is Justin Timberlake. Everything about this power duo make me happy and I cant stop the feeling (are the puns becoming too much or are they kind of punny?)
Blake and Ryan: No last names needed, Upper East Siders. Spotted, Serena and not-so-lonely-boy (semi orange boy) walking the red carpet. Embellishments, check. Emeralds, duh. You know you lover her. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes: Yeah, duh, I know Eva wasn’t there. But Ryan brought her along in his heart and therefore they deserve whatever award I want to give them so shut it.
WORST DRESSED COUPLE (Unanimous Winners/Losers)
Pharrell and Company: I know that Pharrell had a hard night with Jena Bush failing her job and asking about his movie Hidden Fences (more on that later), but I cannot excuse what he considered fashion. These two had Chanel branded all over themselves, notice the Chanel beanie, but that’s not going to sway me. If they are such big Coco Chanel fans they should know the saying “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” In this case, take off five.
WORST DRESSED LADIES
Carrie Underwood: Nothing about this seems right. It attempts to look like a rose, it does not. It has weird cutouts. I see none of Carrie’s insanely toned legs and I’m worried that “flower” is going to suffocate her shortly.
Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon: Joint award here because that’s the gif I found #sorrynotsorry. Nicole is once again thinking she is 27-years-old and a fairy princess. She is not on both counts. I also think she is trying to channel Madonna, which no one should do, even Madonna.
Reese looks pretty from the neck up but it’s a bit of a hot mess from there. I don’t know if it reminds me of the dresses everyone wore for prom when they were trying to pull a How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days moment or because it’s just bad, but she missed the mark here. I also cant close my eyes when listening to her speak because it’s a combo of Sweet Home Alabama and Legally Blonde all at once and it makes me nostalgic.
No, Nicole, you are not.
Giuliana Rancic: I feel awful about this one, I really do. Everyone knows I am all about team G and love that I pass her on the streets of Chicago from time to time…but I cannot, in good faith, ignore this dress. The bottom half has more sequins happening and therefore helps me get past the bad color scheme, but as you move up it becomes more and more blahh and blends with her skin and hair. Skin and hair on point though, G. Please still say hi to me when I walk by!
And if there is one thing I love more than life itself, it’s Phil Collins and Genesis. That means that by default, Lily should be safe as well, so I give her a pass on this. I’m not crazy about the hair or the lipstick and dress combo, but what really had me questioning the look is when she and Giuliana were next to each other. It seemed to be right in that same wheelhouse, though I guess they are all in the same wheelhouse with this sequins trend.
Tracee Ellis Ross: STOP SHAKING YOUR FINGERS AT US. WE SEE THE RINGS, SIT DOWN AND GET OVER IT. Thank you.
Michelle Williams: I don’t know if she heard, but we have defunked the rumor that the string look around your neck is chic and expensive. A college student wore a shoelace around her neck and got a boat load of compliments so you wearing something that looks eerily similar makes me think you’re as dumb as you look or you ripped it out of Sienna’s hair, which in that case I might have to kill you.
Chrissy Teigen: Sorry, I love you, but no. I cant tell what’s happening here, all I know is I do not like it. Love her, hate the dress, simple as that. I was so confused considering all the people who probably want to dress her, until I saw this.
WRONG PARTY BUT CANT HATE
SJP: I cannot in good faith put Sarah Jessica Parker in the Best Dressed category but I also cannot put her in the Worst Dressed category because she is Carrie Bradshaw and many times I never knew what Carrie was wearing, but she is a legend so I have to accept that she most likely knows better than me. I do think this is one of the dresses Carrie tried on in Sex and the City movie though, or she thought this was the Met Gala. She hasn’t been to the Golden Globes in 10 years though, so I can understand her confusion.