We are back the Really Boring Housewives of New Jersey and I am far from thrilled. I am sure it shows considering I have waited two week’s to post this and can’t wait for it to be over. At first I was confused as to why there were only two parts to this reunion, it seemed really insulting. Now I realize that if there is one person who wants this to be over more than all of us, it’s Andy Cohen.
We have both men with us when we join the ladies back on the sofas and I do have to say I love how every other season has started going with the short dresses, but New Jersey will always look like they are trying to go back to their senior prom.
Anywho, the men are with us aka Chris and Joe because everyone else is either divorced, dealing with deportation or a relationship expert so she’s smart enough to have not brought her man. You go Siggy.
Teresa, not surprisingly tried to keep Melissa and Jacqueline apart when Melissa joined the show. Also, not surprisingly, Chris has blinders on to his wife and feels that she helped repair a family and got kicked to the curb. Wrong, but you’re sweet so I’ll let it slide. Joe Gorga doesn’t give a shit about any of this compared to where his family has been aka The Christening. Honestly, out of all these shows that family show is actually the realist shit out there.
The men leave again–seriously how many times have the men come and gone this reunion or am I just making that up–and we have to go through Teresa’s personal language that no one understands. I think we do this ever reunion with her, but it’s endearing. Delores though whats to set the record straight that Teresa wants to do a colonic, not an enema and not and edamame. I feel like the housewives have suffered enough with this at home systems, Teresa would somehow strangle herself with it.
Ugh and now we get the Teresa promo and I feel the tears already. Teresa coming home, Joe leaving, Melania just killing it per usual. Andy finally ask if Teresa did any lady lovin? The answer is no, but she did get massages from the women. She says that was her way of getting off.
Talking about Teresa’s sentence, I feel like she spent a year away from her children and did her time and if Jaqueline rolls her eyes one more time I am going to end up in prison. I swear this woman has way too many opinions on something that doesn’t involve her. I’m not saying she didn’t do anything wrong back I feel like oh so loving Jaqueline wouldn’t have hated seeing her serve more time. #trehugger
Now we are going to touch on Kathy and Rosie, Melissa and Teresa’s cousins and people who have no relation to Jacqueline but she is going to give her opinion on family issues again since that has gone so well. Anyway, Teresa doesn’t speak to them because of their mother, got it. Melissa and Kathy grew apart when Kathy wasn’t answering her phone calls and this is where Jacqueline has to give her opinion. Which no one cares about.
Now it’s the trip from hell and I really don’t ever want to visit Vermont because of this. But here I am revisiting it now. Jacqueline’s weird side eye while talking about Robin. And why are we not talking about the fact that Jacqueline felt very unsafe during that trip because of Robin, but now she was calling her bluff and sitting on her ass. Next reunion I’m giving Andy the talking points, I am going to have some unanswered questions, but I guess I’ll be more happy that it’s over.
Siggy has to once again defend Jacqueline’s delivery and her intentions and I just don’t care. Next please.
Andy then asks the important questions–Melissa, did you have four nose jobs. Melissa claims no, she obviously had her nose done, just not four times and Jacqueline just cannot let anything go and insists there were multiple doctors. I feel bad for Melissa because it is her secret to tell and now something she has to explain to her daughter when her daughter sees this show or inherits her nose and is confused.
Melissa makes the obvious point about why the person with the most surgery in the room cares so much and Delores and Siggy have a side convo about how they have the most and want to be number one. I love these fools. And I think Melissa meant to say the person with the most extreme plastic surgery…are we even sure that’s Jacqueline, maybe that’s the problem!
Wait I think ten minutes just went by with insults about wolves, rabies, clowns, dumb, dense, lambs and sheep. And the faint voice of Andy losing control in the background. The only thing that stops them all is the sight of Delores and her knew ass.
Now it’s the Lunch that doesn’t matter and we get to hear Jacqueline admit that she handled her approach were poorly. How about handled her hellos very poorly, these women were still hugging when you started barking. If she had handled it differently, she only wanted she and Teresa to make peace and be cordial in public. And as for Melissa, she actually never really planned on talking to her.
Now we have to watch the Teresa and Jacqueline montage that we have watched a thousand times. I’m sorry but this friendship is dead to them and dead to me.
And to end the show the relationship expert Siggy begins to cry and asks if everyone could just have a group hug. I think she is the sweetest but I can watch Barney at home for free lady.
And with that hug and Andy’s massive sigh of relief, the season of no reason has finally come to a close. Peaces bitches.